Unrelated things:
I spent the first half of the day fighting buses and heat. I lost both battles soundly. I made it to the saint shop, but most of the cards were laminated which was disappointing. Plastic spoils everything. I still got some cool things, and finished up the shadow box, I think.
I am getting all sorts of opportunities to practice my "skills" from therapy in my everyday life. I always have a hard time drawing the line between doormat and generous/thoughtful/giving. But the more often I say "No" when I mean it, and "I need this" when I do, and "I do not want that" when I don't, the stronger I feel. It's like a tonic. And I don't feel I'm losing any of my thoughtful/generous/giving nature through all this. In fact, I'm discovering how much more honest it is, and what a relief it is not to walk around covered in the weight of a thousand little "this does not bother me" lies.
Finally caught in the snare of the LaRouche Cult, I spent a good 1/2 hour in the sun debating Canadian (!) politics with a very very very veryveryvery earnest boy my own age. My usual dismissal of canvassers with "I'm Canadian!" didn't work this time, cause he was too, which is weird. Long discussion about imperialism and why Canada never had a revolution. Learned some scary things about the Canadian constitution, which I am afraid I had never read before. I went home and looked it up and it's all true. Anyway, I finally admitted that the questions they are asking sound interesting but the answers (and the org) are a bit (!) frightening. Walked away with a pamphlet but did a good job explaining why I was not going to make a donation of any type. In the old days I would have given away money I didn't have to an organization I didn't care about, just out of some odd sense of not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings.
Had an entirely random interaction with a tiny Irish Mr. Clean. He was almost unintelligible as he walked by me sweating miserably at the bus stop, (and I'm usually not bad at understanding people through accents) but once I'd run the translation, I realized he'd said "Ah, didn't you hear all the buses are broken down for the day! Ha, just kidding you! Ha ha!" At least he seemed to be enjoying himself. He was so cheerful it almost knocked me over.
I've been laughing a lot recently, and it feels very good. I'm still really depressed, and there are moments when it stops me in my tracks, when I can't catch my breath and I think my heart is going to stop from sheer sadness, but there have been as many (possibly more) moments of full, real laughter. It's good.
What is not funny are the last six rows of this thing I am knitting. I keep messing up somewhere critical, and I try to fix it until I am wild with frustration, and then I put it away for three days, rinse and repeat. I may have lost to the buses and the sun, but I am going to win the battle of the sticky pink yarn.
6 comments:
If you are messing up on the same rows, the only fix is to go down at least one row BELOW the problem area. (Warning--sometimes I do this and it's still not right. Then I go down two rows below. If you're going to rip, might as well go back far enough to make sure.)
I don't mind ripping back any more. I remind myself that the joy is in the process of knitting. You'll fix the problem.
I have no words of wisdom for the trials you have had recently. I do know that when things have seem darkest, I've managed to make it through one day and then another. We truly can't dream of where we will be in ten or twenty years. If we can just make it through that single day, we can live long enough to find out what happens.
Hey! That worked! Genius! I don't generally mind ripping, as long as it's not a huge amount, or over and over and over. It is totally worth an extra few rows to avoid that. Thanks so much for the tip, you've saved me a lot of frustration!
LaRouche.............my God, I didn't realize that old fruitcake was still around.
.............and he still has followers. That's scary.
Knitting as life metaphor.......hmmmmm.
*grins*
You're gonna be ok Kiddo.........you know that don't you?
Ah yes... Lindon L. Trouble is, just as you say, the real crazies in the world, (not thee and me)! point to a few real problems then say, "so what we will do is..." and the fun begins. It is the same old, there is one answer to all, one system to fix all, which -- if it is politics or religion or diets or what ever, is the slippery slope to madness and cool aid at worst. They are all wrong, the real answer is to stand for as long as thee can stand it, by a pond at night photographing the sunset while getting eaten by mosquitos, thousands of them... (photos to follow on flickr) I should for get the photos of the sunset and show the photographs of the bites, much more impressive!!!!!!! But, that is the whole answer to life. If we all spent all our time getting bitten by mosquitos, we would not be able to put on uniforms, or do anything else but itch.
Laughing is good. I would suggest thinking about John Maynard at least once a day. A new attender had the odd experience of sitting on the bench in the meetinghouse lobby with John, Arthur, Eli and I... We all had a great laugh...
I can't think of a better closing than the Captain has already placed here, you are going to be OK and even better than that.
Thine in frith and friendship
lor
PS One of these days soon, you MUST post some photos of thy shadowboxes, I can imagine they are WONDERFUL!
Oh it is good to come here, read the comments and know you won the battle of the sticky pink yarn.
Do you ever read "Life in Hell"? I just think of one bit in School Is Hell talking of the different types of college professors, and one type is the one with the unifying theory of everything: "The country that controls magnesium controls the world!"
I'm glad you won this last round of sticky pink yarn. Do I need to wind more balls for you?
It was so great to see you yesterday--you seemed in good spirits despite a very frustrating day.
SO MUCH LOVE to you,
SKB
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