Love and estrangement

This may be the day of 1000 posts.


Those friends of mine who were very close. The ones with whom I prayed, shared, prophesied, spoke in tongues and oohed over Bible passages with. The ones with whom I shared very deeply, laughed with and cried with. Those friends who now know very little about where my faith journey has gone because I am too afraid to tell them, and perhaps they are a little too afraid to listen. Those friends who like to call me and say they've been praying for me, and tell me that they're sure Jesus won't give up on me and one day I'll come back.

While I love them, it is difficult to have a friendship when your friend is convinced you're straying away from the righteous path and fervently praying for your return whilst giving you the latest update on what the Lord has been telling them. Sometimes I feel like an awkward stranger when I am with them - no longer able to share myself and no longer able to understand so much of what they say and do. I have experienced such transformation over the last few years, that they no longer seem to know who I am. Or maybe its just that all the doubts, questions and secrets I kept buried for so long are now springing forth and its hard for them to understand. I wonder, can love overcome this? Can love re-unite us as friends and restore the intimacy and connection there once was?

This is from my friend Ruthie-Annie's blog, which I somehow had missed despite seeing her every week at 15th Street. I am really touched by this post. I'm struggling with this in a big way with my family, who I know aches everyday to think they have lost their firstborn - they used to talk in hushed tones about the adult children of friends who were "fallen away", and I know they pray to St. Monica, patron saint of dissapointing children...

Eternal and merciful Father, I give You thanks for the gift of Your Divine Son Who suffered, died and rose for all mankind. I thank You also for my Catholic Faith and ask Your help that I may grow in fidelity by prayer, by works of charity and penance, by reflection on Your Word, and by regular participation in the Sacraments of Penance and the Holy Eucharist.

You gave Saint Monica a spirit of selfless love manifested in her constant prayer for the conversion of her son Augustine. Inspired by boundless confidence in Your power to move hearts, and by the success of her prayer. I ask the grace to imitate her constancy in my prayer for Amanda who no longer shares in the intimate life of Your Catholic family. Grant through my prayer and witness that she may be open to the promptings of Your Holy Spirit, and return to loving union with Your Church. Grant also that my prayer be ever hopeful and that I may never judge another, for You alone can read hearts. I ask this through Christ, our Lord. Amen.



I often field e-mails from my mom saying she misses me, she wishes we could talk the way we used to, about God, about important things, that we have nothing in common, that it seems our converations are on superficial level. Lately things have been eased slightly, but it is still a tension that makes me very sad.